Blessed

I am so glad that I am still here typing and blogging. I am blessed. I really am. I am trying to live like I’ll die tomorrow. This way life is beautiful. I am always a planner and I like looking into the future. Somehow, the other day I just felt this huge lump in my heart silently saying ‘Your time is up’. It isn’t a bad feeling. I am never afraid of dying. Yet, I started tearing up so much. I looked at everything around me and saw how beautiful it is. Even it is just a very plain and little thing. I guess you’ll appreciate things better when you think it is the last time to have it around you.

That day I also realised how blessed I am to have everyone that has been with me all these time still around. I am so blessed to have my beloved dog, Fiffy. I have been taking her for granted more than anyone. I really owe her a big one. I tend to get really excited over things and leave her out while she is all excited to just get a cuddle and a little private time. I am selfish and I don’t like it. I want to compensate a whole day of private time for my dog. She has always love me so much and does all the most heartfelt thing that no one has done for me. Not even a person have done half of what she did. Yet I am such a selfish person to abandon her when I have others around. I only spend my spare time with her. She have always put me first and above everyone yet I only have her in my spare time. I am sorry dear. I promise to compensate ‘our alone time’ the next time I go back. I love you.

I am very very blessed to have someone that have been an inspiration to me at all time. Though we are really far apart and things is impossible, I am really glad to have you in my life. Never regret it. This person has changed me in the most magical way. I am who I am today because of him. I am really glad that you’re one of my best friend. You really inspire me and have helped me become the person I am today. The best thing is you didn’t even lift a finger to shape me as who I am. I was very unpolished but I have changed. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to share the new me with you. Thank you.

My darling bestie. I have always been a careless klutz but you have always been there helping me back to track. You people have helped me and accepted me as who I am. I am not the prettiest, nor the most talented and not even close to the most beautiful yet you love me as who I am. I am never comfortable as someone I am not with you around me. I am me at the most original around you. I am so blessed to have you girls with me. I am unworthy of your love for the Mel I am. Yet you are always around me and never allow me to crumble and you assure me that I am the Mel you love. No matter how I change and become over the years, you never turn your backs at me. I love you and thank you.

My family, the people that have been the most brutal but in the core of it, is love. I have been always crying and the tears have blurred my vision. I don’t agree with you but it is life and I know that if you had a choice, you’ll agree with me. I am sorry for being such an unworthy child. I am trying my best to compensate and be honorable. I owe my brother a tonne. I have always been mean to him just because he is younger and I have more authority. I feel bad but its really hard to not yell at him when he bites me at the nerve. I am trying to be nice to him. I really owe him. Vin boy, I love you. I am sorry for being mean but at times I am doing it because it is life and you need to learn. I do get angry when he is so protected because in this world you will not be protected. People step on you. I just want you to learn ’cause I was there and I was knocked down. I didn’t want that to happen to you. You are unpolished just like your Jie. But jie is lucky to have found someone to polish me. I know I am not doing a very good job, I’ll try to change the way I handle things. Give me time.

Lastly but not least because of all the above He is the most important. God. Thank you God for all the blessing. I have never counted my blessings until that day. I am still living though I thought I wouldn’t. It is your calling but not for me to head Home. It is your calling for me to wake up and look. I am glad that You did call me for it. God there is no one more awesome than You. Though I come to know You later than others but I am glad that You gave me this chance. Thank you Lord for the blood You shed. May you bless this 40 days and let me learn more about You. Lord, I ask for Your blessing unto this lovely people You blessed me with. May You be with them as You are with me. May You help me love and appreciate them more. Amen!