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changed my blog to  www://melyong.blogspot.com  Sorry!!!

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Calls of Nature

The trees rustling, rain spattering, still air…

What makes the most out of those above?

My answer: A beautiful life

Your answer: (Please Fill in the Blanks)

Those are the things that I am enjoying. After a long (and at times still a) battle with myself, I find myself closer to God as I’ve mentioned in my other posts. This made me closer to nature as well. I think nature is everyone’s calling, it’s just the matter of whether one actually take a moment in his/her daily life and acknowledge the calling or otherwise.

Each day and whenever I am aware, I take my time to listen to the calling. It feels good. I know I am living like an 80 nearing to grave when I am so far from that minus near to grave. Its not that I’ve caught some complex multiple stage illness, its just that we don’t know when will the last grain of sand drops from our hourglass. On days when I am really down, I look up at the sky and listen to my surrounding. That made me feel glad and thankful for what life has given to me.

When people say “live as if you’ll die tomorrow”, it basically means live a quality life based on your own perception. To me ‘life’ is when you get to be who you really are and enjoying it. Furthermore, if we don’t see the beauty in life what’s the point to live? By beauty I don’t mean all things nice and posh but it is to live on a luxurious emotion.

Emotion separates us from objects. A rule all of us know. What do I mean by luxurious emotion? It means to feel everything deeply. Just as you’re happy and even when you’re sad. It makes life beautiful when we feel even if it is the deepest despair. Though the “negative” feeling is not favorable, it makes us human.

It is better to feel pain and despair than not feeling anything at all. Feelings and emotions are beautiful.

On that, I admit that I am an emotionally luxurious person.

Wow, I wrote so much and to find that it didn’t even manage on “save”. Oh well probably, it was meant to be that way.

Maybe it was meant for God and I to know. So I guess its ok. I feel very tired and I don’t know why. However, that amazing feeling I had was awesome. I feel a little sad now cause the poem I wrote went missing as well. Oh well maybe it is meant to be that way.

Blessed

I am so glad that I am still here typing and blogging. I am blessed. I really am. I am trying to live like I’ll die tomorrow. This way life is beautiful. I am always a planner and I like looking into the future. Somehow, the other day I just felt this huge lump in my heart silently saying ‘Your time is up’. It isn’t a bad feeling. I am never afraid of dying. Yet, I started tearing up so much. I looked at everything around me and saw how beautiful it is. Even it is just a very plain and little thing. I guess you’ll appreciate things better when you think it is the last time to have it around you.

That day I also realised how blessed I am to have everyone that has been with me all these time still around. I am so blessed to have my beloved dog, Fiffy. I have been taking her for granted more than anyone. I really owe her a big one. I tend to get really excited over things and leave her out while she is all excited to just get a cuddle and a little private time. I am selfish and I don’t like it. I want to compensate a whole day of private time for my dog. She has always love me so much and does all the most heartfelt thing that no one has done for me. Not even a person have done half of what she did. Yet I am such a selfish person to abandon her when I have others around. I only spend my spare time with her. She have always put me first and above everyone yet I only have her in my spare time. I am sorry dear. I promise to compensate ‘our alone time’ the next time I go back. I love you.

I am very very blessed to have someone that have been an inspiration to me at all time. Though we are really far apart and things is impossible, I am really glad to have you in my life. Never regret it. This person has changed me in the most magical way. I am who I am today because of him. I am really glad that you’re one of my best friend. You really inspire me and have helped me become the person I am today. The best thing is you didn’t even lift a finger to shape me as who I am. I was very unpolished but I have changed. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to share the new me with you. Thank you.

My darling bestie. I have always been a careless klutz but you have always been there helping me back to track. You people have helped me and accepted me as who I am. I am not the prettiest, nor the most talented and not even close to the most beautiful yet you love me as who I am. I am never comfortable as someone I am not with you around me. I am me at the most original around you. I am so blessed to have you girls with me. I am unworthy of your love for the Mel I am. Yet you are always around me and never allow me to crumble and you assure me that I am the Mel you love. No matter how I change and become over the years, you never turn your backs at me. I love you and thank you.

My family, the people that have been the most brutal but in the core of it, is love. I have been always crying and the tears have blurred my vision. I don’t agree with you but it is life and I know that if you had a choice, you’ll agree with me. I am sorry for being such an unworthy child. I am trying my best to compensate and be honorable. I owe my brother a tonne. I have always been mean to him just because he is younger and I have more authority. I feel bad but its really hard to not yell at him when he bites me at the nerve. I am trying to be nice to him. I really owe him. Vin boy, I love you. I am sorry for being mean but at times I am doing it because it is life and you need to learn. I do get angry when he is so protected because in this world you will not be protected. People step on you. I just want you to learn ’cause I was there and I was knocked down. I didn’t want that to happen to you. You are unpolished just like your Jie. But jie is lucky to have found someone to polish me. I know I am not doing a very good job, I’ll try to change the way I handle things. Give me time.

Lastly but not least because of all the above He is the most important. God. Thank you God for all the blessing. I have never counted my blessings until that day. I am still living though I thought I wouldn’t. It is your calling but not for me to head Home. It is your calling for me to wake up and look. I am glad that You did call me for it. God there is no one more awesome than You. Though I come to know You later than others but I am glad that You gave me this chance. Thank you Lord for the blood You shed. May you bless this 40 days and let me learn more about You. Lord, I ask for Your blessing unto this lovely people You blessed me with. May You be with them as You are with me. May You help me love and appreciate them more. Amen!

It Is That Time Around

Today with the sun shining ever brightly outside our house back in hometown and with my grandmother preparing ingrediants in the kitchen, I am as excited as my little dog for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the last day in the Lunar Calendar celebrated with luxury dishes along with all the members in the family for Reunion Dinner. All the cookies and celebration cakes fills the Tupperware, fridge congested with packet drinks, and the house with the celebration aura. This is a good feeling.  Very warm and inviting.

However, this feeling is interfered with a forbidden feeling. I guess it is just me being a modern and very much into reality person. Just two days before the celebration, here I am thinking of death. I guess I can’t help it as every festive season marks a high score on the scoreboard of death. This encounter comes closer to my heart as many years back when I was still in primary school, our family was involved in a car accident in which had me a dislocated and fractured jaw. That causes my absence of months from school and months of silence. We were blessed that no one’s life was claimed or so. Only my grandma and I had injuries and the rest were safe.

This time around, I pray that nothing near that will occur. However, I believe that we are destined in life. God have His plans for us. He that creates us shall also redeem us when the time is come. I believe in it. With the amount of bus accidents, I am a little worried as I will be traveling by bus to uni. That would certainly be very nervous.

The thought of “What If I Die?” comes to mind and I really couldn’t stop thinking. I know that this isn’t the auspicious thing to ponder nearing Chinese New Year, but this is life. People die every day and every second.

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Changing

Are changes good? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Just like others life matters, it is very subjective and is highly personal. More often than not people changes over time and even their personality and traits change in stages even if not entirely.

I changed. It is a confession many might not want to own up for some people think that it is some kind of self betrayal to change. For better and for worst. I believe that people grow in time and circumstances. That is because I change in that sort of environment as well.

Sometimes or I would say for a higher level of change, the factor isn’t so much about the time and circumstances that we walk through in our daily life. It is the people around you that have their influence cast unto you. I changed quite drastically I would say due to a certain people in my life.

I’ve always been an opinionated person and I admit I also try to be one by taking a matter to another level of thinking. If there is a job in this world that honours the title ‘Thinker’ (my version) I would certainly love to be the first. Majority of the population says it is not right to change who we are for someone and in influence of someone. I have to disagree on that to a certain extend because it has some logic in itself yet not wholly true. Again the gray area comes in.

I said earlier that I’ve changed for the people around me and I actually like the way things are. There is this person that I highly admire as well as respect in my life and he is the source of my changes. He is of course a very important personnel in my life and have been someone I treasured for the person that he is. In an unofficial manner, his personality and traits which I look up to began sipping in my life and changes takes place in little steps without me knowing. When I realises the obvious, the changes in me are almost fully charged. I began to adopt his personality and I find that to a certain extend, we adopt to each other’s personality. Is this a bad thing? I don’t think so because it is the positive side that we’re moving to.

Apart from the friend I mentioned, my best friends weigh no less in this part of my life. Their personality and traits have slowly make its way into mine and I am happily adopting them. It is really interesting how someone can change another person just by creating a bond and keeping it active.

One might argue that I am talking about changing due to influence and not for someone. I regard that for the fact that a big chunk of this post is about that. However, don’t you think we change prior to influence because we care and want to take our relationship with that person to another level? Little actions like tolerating and accepting is part of changing though it is in the ‘teeny weeny steps’ category. Isn’t that changing for someone?

P/s: I am back in Subang and loving the super fast connection.